Ten best and worst movies of 2013. We’ll have the best movies are at the bottom of the worst, but first, I need to get angry a little bit before being happy again, I'd rather do that and be happy again, than to be happy with the best, and angry with the worst, these are the shittiest movies of the year that made me wanna kill myself( Not literally though) but fuck these movies, they each made 2 hours of my life miserable.
Oh my fucking god, who the hell thought this movie was good? I mean, who thought it was good. It’s Selena Gomez trying to get away from her Disney shit, even the Disney time sucked too, Wizards of Waverly place, who the hell likes that show? Anyways, this movie has no plot to it, it’s just a movie full of fucking car chase scenes, and that’s all. Fuck this movie, fuck it’s actors, just be forgotten forever.
9: The Smurfs 2:
Okay based on the beloved cartoon of the same name, I never really liked it, and neither did my dad, but this sequel, though the first one was shit as well, this one managed to be even shittier, with its abysmal plot, unfunny “funny” moments, and nothing new to the screen.
8: A Good Day to Die Hard:
This is one of the worst sequels I’ve ever seen. Honestly it didn’t make sense at all, and it had some references to the original film, but this movie, it barely had any plot, a stupid twist at the end. Live Free or Die Hard was better than this, that’s how you make a sequel. Obviously these guys didn’t think about the movie they were making they just put some shit together, and it was only John McClain saying “I’m on vacation” when really he wasn’t, he came to Russia because of his son. Fucking directors. This movie sucked.
7: After Earth:
What can I say about this movie? Well, Will Smith is a cool actor, and he’s funny, and he’s done so much better than this. This movie had terrible acting, mostly by Jaden smith, abysmal plot, terrible effects, though some parts were okay, unoriginal story line, and a story line that makes no sense whatsoever.
This movie was an adaptation of Stephanie Mayer’s book of the same name who was also the author of the totally overrated Twilight Saga. Yep you know this movie is bad. I saw the movie, I don't want to fucking talk about it, yep that much. NEXT.
Do I really need to say anything about this? This movie already did its damage to movie goers. It rips off Men in Black, except it has a poor story, weak script, TERRIBLE CGI, and, yeah unfunny shit in this movie right here. Fuck this movie.
4: Spring Breakers:
This movie has a fucking 69% on rotten tomatoes…. Highly overrated. This movie offered nothing new, it’s just basically about a bunch of girls who were forced to stay in college for spring break, whilst the others left for spring break, and then they turned to crime to do shit. What do we get? A fucking boring movie, with a terrible story.
3: Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters:
Are you fucking kidding me? Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME? The telling of the famous Hansel and Gretel fairy tale in this mess of a fucking movie. This movie not only destroys the fairy tale it completely takes a huge steaming dump on it. I mean what is it with the kid saying right after the man exploded with maggots saying “that was awesome”? When “awesome” wasn’t even around in that time period?
2: The Lone Ranger:
And now, Walt Disney pictures presents!!! Pirates of the Caribbean: Sparrow Goes West. AKA The Lone Ranger.
Prepare for the vibrant world of America’s most beloved ranger… to get Disney SHIT upon, in the worst western TV adaptation since the “Wild Wild West.” Watch, as the totally badass Lone Ranger and his equally bad ass sidekick Tonto are brought to life, as two fucking imbeciles in a Disney movie that is so violent, it’s really R-rated but somehow managed to squeak through with a PG-13. I can’t believe some people actually thought this movie was good.
There is nothing good about this movie, it was poorly paced, ridiculously written, stupidly acted, and it’s an insulting adaptation of The Lone Ranger. Jack Sparrow starring as Tonto was the biggest mistake ever. Johnny Depp sucks at acting like a Native American. And really to think about it, a lot of Native Americans in this country were actually insulted by Depp’s performance. Now some of the natives actually thought that his performance was okay but it’s also revealed that some of them were paid to say that. Wow Disney, really fucked up. But about the movie, oh for fucks sake. I HATED THIS FUCKING MOVIE. You wanna know how much? I took the cover of it and burned it in my back yard, that’s how much I hate it. This movie is a complete mess. Its tone was all over the place. At first it seemed like a comedy, then it got so silly, then it went to R-rated violence, and then it got really goofy. Honestly I knew this movie was going to be bad. When I first read online in 2012 that they’re doing a TV adaptation of The Lone Ranger, I was like “OH YAY FINALLY my favorite TV show brought to life.” Then I saw Disney was doing it, and I was like “Uh oh, that can’t be good.” Then I saw the first trailer “UH OH this cannot be good.” Then I saw the movie “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME”Not only did this movie ruined the lone ranger, it ruined the William Tell overture. Every time I heard that piece, I thought of this fucking stinkpile of a movie. I had to watch the entire first season of the TV show, and now…. I’m cured. THANK GOD.This movie ruined such a AWESOME American Icon. No on will remember the totally awesome Lone ranger and his equally awesome Tonto, instead they will remember the fucking stupid imbeciles in this fucking pathetic movie. FUCK you Disney for ruining such a grand masterpiece. And for you fucking fans of this movie who have no fucking sense, don’t give me that “It’s actually not as bad as you think” bullshit because it is. You are wrong, and I am right, wanna know how? I just fucking proved it. THANK GOD this movie flopped! (I’m still sorry for those who lost their jobs though)(Though I still like “Saving Mr. Banks” even though that movie is bullshit beyond so many levels, and I also like “Frozen” even though its story is so weak.)
Also: This movie was so bad, that Jerry Bruckheimer and the Walt Disney company has ended their partnership as of this year. Thank god too. They suck together.
1: Movie 43:
Oh god, do I even need to explain? I’m too tired from hating the Lone Ranger, I didn’t think it was possible to find a movie worse than The Lone Ranger, but this movie. I don’t even want to talk about it. It’s been called the “Citizen Kane” of awful. And I a-fucking-gree to that. No story, no charisma, no fucking humor.
BEST MOVIES OF 2013. Okay, now that I've been angry with the worst. It's time to get started with the best. The Butler? Oh man, I'm already starting to feel better now.
10. The Butler:
How is it that this movie is not nominated for any oscars? With performances by Forest Whitaker and Oprah Winfrey not getting nominated as well. They both were great in this movie. I’m gonna admit it, at the end I was getting teary eyed. This and one other movie captured what it’s like for a black person to live in America when racism was at its height. This movie is about a butler who served in the White house whilst his family was also enduring some of Americas darkest racism in the southern states. The “Whites only” and “colored” sings were everywhere, and talks of “the law wasn’t on our side, the law was against us.” And it did seem that way. In America. Our country that was supposed to be about freedom. What happened? My guess is that a country like the United States was way ahead of the world’s time, and the world was not ready for equalization. Anyways, The Butler, my number Ten.
9. This is the End:
Okay well, this is a weird time for me, because I usually don’t like these types of movies, but “This is the End” which doubles as the song from The Doors. Seriously check it out:
Anyways. This movie is well written, it knows what kind of movie it is, and that is dirty comedy filled with awesome apocalyptic moments, and it also has religious stuff in it. My number 9.
And what is a best film of 2013 without some documentary. “Blackfish” tells the story about the orcas that are kept in captivity for the Shamu show. When we go see the show, we are wowed by the giant mammals as they put on a good show, but this documentary wakes us to the reality of how these Orcas live. It’s heartwarming, and it’s emotional as well. You know when you see those fins on the orcas, and they're bent downward, they're not supposed to be like that, that means they're depressed, but compare those to wild orca, they have straight fins compared to the ones in Seaworld, they're healthy. As for the movie? I’d say go check it out. It’s a great documentary. PS: An orca is not a fish, it's a mammal, so why do they call it "black fish"?
7. The Lone Survivor:
Wow. This movie is great, "best war movie since Saving Private Ryan" well... I don't know but this movie does anything but glorify war, instead, it glorifies the soldiers. Kind of like "Saving Private Ryan" I really don't have that much to say about this movie, but I know it should be on this list, because man is it great. The actors are great and totally believable, the story is fantastic as well. My heart goes out to America's soldiers who face these type of conflicts. In fact, here is a song for them.
6. The World’s End:
Another apocalyptic comedy, this is a very smart comedy, original, and it’s funny as hell. Like “Fuzz Ball” and “Shaun of the Dead.” I cannot find anything else. See this movie its good.
5. Captain Phillips:
A dramatization of the real life event that took place. The Maersk Alabama was the first American ship to be taken by pirates in 30 years or something like that. This movie dramatizes the event, and boy does it work. The acting is great, Tom Hanks is great as always, but to me the actors that really stood out were the pirates. I mean honestly, Barkhad Abdi, the guy who played the leader, he faced Tom Hanks face to face and said “look at me, I’m the captain now.” I mean, this is someone who’s never acted before saying this to a two time academy award winner. The drama is there too, this movie managed to be a thriller whilst still keeping the human in there. It even shows the Pirates as humans who were struggling as well. My number 5 best film of 2013.
Oh and by the way, write a comment down below if you noticed the “United 93” soundtrack “the end” in the climax of Captain Phillips.
(U93 is a totally underrated film by the way, go watch it, it’s also the same director and it’s great.)
Okay, my god what a great film. This film teaches a lesson as well. It dramatizes what it’s like to have your child mysteriously disappear, either she was kidnapped or she ran away. Two families each loose their daughter and this movie does such a good job at dramatizing that. The actors were FANTASTIC; the plot was great, and original. Well I’ll say original for now, if you guys can find a similar movie, then great. It captures the horror of what it’s like to lose a family member, particularly you youngest child, and that is something tons of people have been going through every year. A child is missing and they never find him or her, and if they find them they’re either dead, or found in a ditch completely burned (that actually happened here in Houston) And sometimes it’s a happy ending. Sometimes it’s a happy ending after like 18 years (if you know who I mean).
What do I got to say about Gravity? It’s probably this generation’s “2001: A Space Odyssey”. When 2001 wowed the entire country with its
, Gravity did the same thing in 2013. I didn’t feel like it was done with Green Screen, I felt like it was actually in space. It was fucking amazing, and very realistic, it had tons of things right (despite having some scientific inaccuracies). Now there are some idiots who are trying to be smart by hating on this movie, but the reasons they give are so stupid. “It’s not realistic” or “it’s nothing new” or “it’s nothing groundbreaking” Yeah. WRONG, WRONG, AND WRONG. In reality, Gravity was a great film and seeing as how the world’s biggest directors are praising it, James Cameron Quentin Tarantino, and Steven Spielberg, yeah, we are right and you are wrong. I can go on and on saying how much this movie is great, and how much stuff it got wrong, but the inaccuracies really didn’t bother me, except for the part where George Clooney died. He didn’t have to die, in reality as soon as Sandra Bullock grabbed the rope hooked onto George Clooney, he should’ve stopped moving, but instead he kept on going. There’s no gravity in space, but he still kept on going. Yeah that didn’t make sense but that was the only problem I have. Granted this movie’s story wasn’t that long, but it’s still believable. What happened in Gravity would, and could happen in real life. Seriously, go search up the Kessler Syndrome, it’s very scary. Overall GREAT filmmaking, those people who appreciate stupidity over masterpieces can die and go to hell.
And the music is FANTASTIC. Just listen to this:
2. The Wolf of Wall Street
Oh my fucking god this movie is FUCKING AWESOME!!!! IT’S SO FUCKING AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!! There is no fucking way “Frozen” has a 89% on rottentomaetoes, and “The Wolf of Wall Street” scored an even lower 77%. THERE’S NO FUCKING WAY!!!!! Okay I mean, granted it’s a Disney movie, but a whimsical Disney movie is better than the GREATEST DIRECTOR of all time MARTIN SCORSESE?!!? The guy who also made GOODFELLAS, TAXI DRIVER, RAGING BULL, and MEAN STREETS?!!!? FUCK NO!!!! Okay anyways, enough bitching about it, what is so great about this movie? EVERYTHING!!! This movie is hilarious all the way though, it’s so perfectly written as well, and so perfectly acted, I cannot find anything bad about this movie. If you like Martin Scorsese, and thought that he had lost his ways with “Hugo”? (even though, that’s sort of a good movie too) Than this is the movie for you. DO NOT take children to see this movie, this movie is R-rated, that really should’ve been X-rated or something like that. The sex scenes are so graphic, and you know what, I don’t fucking care, this movie is way too good for someone to bitch about the sex scenes. The whole story is so interesting, and this movie sends a good message too. And I love what they did to these guys, and this is what really happened, this is how they really lived back in those days. Drug addicts. And what I love about this movie is that it makes its characters likable. Okay sure a lot of movies do that, but this one has characters that are fucking scumbags, they’re degenerates, but fucking who cares? Who wouldn’t want to party with Jordan Belfort? FUCK YEAH I wanna party with this guy, get some fucking hookers, and shit. Oh and people might be thinking “it sort of glorifies using drugs” Well… that sort of makes sense. Okay I’m gonna be honest, after watching this movie, I wanted to get high. I seriously did wanted to get high, but thankfully I didn’t. But what I really love about this movie is the message it sends. Now I don’t know if this message is intentional or not, but I got that its good getting rich. You wanna get rich right? You wanna buy a nice house, great looking cars, and good looking suits or dresses, but money can really make you crazy. It can make you greedy, arrogant, and it can make you a drug addict. That’s what I love about this movie. It says that making money is good, but at the same time it can also get you in trouble if you don’t know how to use it. Hence Jordan Belfort’s “we were making more money than we knew what to do with.” If you havn’t seen it yet, FUCKING GO WATCH IT RIGHT NOW! No seriously I’m not joking, get off your computer and go fucking watch it, it’s SO FUCKING AMAZING!!!! Well, if you can’t handle the graphic sex scenes than its probably best not too. But if you can… FUCKING GO WATCH IT, RIGHT NOW BEFORE IT COMES OUT OF THEATERS!!!!! ITS THAT FUCKING GREAT!!!!!! “The Wolf of Wall Street” is either the “Pulp Fiction” or “Goodfellas” of 2013 or of the Decade. I cannot praise this movie enough ITS SO FUCKING AWESOME. I’m jamming out to “Insane in the Brain.”
And "Meth Lab Zoso Sticker"
1. 12 Years a Slave:
I’m not gonna lie, this movie was so brutal and I’m speechless. It captures the horror of what it’s like being a slave before the start of the bloodiest war in American Soil, the Civil War. It’s about a man who was kidnapped from the northern states and taken to the south to be a slave. And this was true, back in the day, when the northern states and southern states were separated by the laws; the blacks would live up in the north to be free. This went on for good time until the southerners were going to the north to kidnap blacks and bring them down to be slaves. Then it was no longer safe for any blacks. It was hell on earth being black back in these days, and this movie delivers that brutality almost perfectly. If not, perfectly. This movie is sometimes uncomfortable to watch, and to watch the things that actually took place in real life shown in this movie is pretty brutal. It’s not filled with blood drenched violence, but however even the parts where they’re talking to the slaves, you know, getting in their faces, yelling at them, or threatening them, it’s a little uncomfortable to watch. But the part where Patsy is getting whipped, that is the most uncomfortable part for me. Her back was shredded from the constant whipping of over 30 or so lashes. It was a lot.
Roll Jordan Roll
This is a great film, It's the "Schindler's List" of 2013, and perhaps the decade, and it’s my number one best movie of 2013.
Now for out Honorable mentions for the best movies (why they didn't make it on the list):
Though this is a good movie, (and Elsa's pretty hot) it's not great at all, the story is way to rushed and full of flaws that it just wasn't that good of an animated movie. Many people put this on their top ten best list and i said "really? this animated movie is on your top ten when I can think of an even better one that would be worthy for it?" Despicable me 2 being the one. And fucking Hans man... Worst Disney Villain EVER!!! And that part where Anna was frozen. Elsa can create life with her powers, Olaf and Marshmellow being proof of that. So couldn't she have technically brought Anna back to life?
"Love" AH SERIOUSLY!!?? How exactly does Elsa really end the winter? “Love” isn’t really an explanation. Was there any point in which Elsa wasn’t feeling love for anyone? The whole reason she never spoke to her sister or interacted with her was to keep from hurting her. That’s also why she threw her out. Even when she told her to leave at the party it was so she wouldn’t have to live miserable and alone like her. Assuming she wasn’t feeling love before that…so…does she now? Does she just turn it on and off like that? What happens the next time she hates someone? Even if she has control, the problem still remains next time she accidentally hits someone in the chest with her power she kills them. (Kind of like the problem of keeping Fat Buu alive in “Dragonball Z”…)
Another one about the unequality between the whites and the black, this is an inspiring movie about following your dreams and letting go of anger no matter how much they put on you. But its "The Butler" that really got me.
Even though this movie is BULLSHIT on so many levels, and we learned that the Walt Disney Company is full of shit in order to glorify itself, this is a good movie, its heartwarming, its emotional, and its funny. But the historical inaccuracies were just..... gah. And don't give me those pathetic excuses like "its a family movie" or "its a disney movie" because that's no excuse. Still a good movie though, but not enough to make a top ten list.
Worst 10. Well Sharknado, they knew they were making a dumbass movie, so gotta take some points off of that, plus i didn't even see it. LOL
9. Fuck yes.
8. Didn't care for Star Trek but there are far worse movies than this one of last year, so why is it on your list? I have no idea.
7. Oh yeah, that movie fucking sucks.
6. Didn't see it but from what I heard, its great. Maybe you just don't like Drama.
5. This should be put on the list of most overrated movies ever, not worst, its definitely not bad, but it most certainly not that good either. Most definitely not as good as everyone was saying.
4. I saw it, but there are far worse that this. Plus what the f(beep)k is it with movies where the kid or teenager saves the day? Seriously, if our society really comes to that where the faith of the human race lies in the hands of teenagers... we would be totally f(beep)ked. I would die before I let some teenager hero wannabe save me, or attempt to save me. I rather a sexy girl in leather spandex save me
3: Don't think I've seen that one.
2: I haven't seen that one either, but I don't want to.
1: Again, there are far worse ones that this one for that year, but yeah this movie sucked too.
Best: 11: Really? You think this movie is one of the years best? Wow.
10: I don't think I've ever heard of this one. This one is about fags right?
9: LOL Yeah.
8: The Family? Oh the one with Robert De Niro and Tommy Lee Jones? Never seen it but from what it looks like in the trailer, its not that good... Yes I'm great at telling whether a movie is good by looking at the trailers.
7: Are you f(beep)king kidding me right now? Olympus has fallen is not worthy of being the top movies, with its cliched action story line that's basically Die Hard in the White House. Yes, its enjoyable but that doesn't change the fact that its a terrible movie when it comes to story telling, so this shouldn't be on anyone's top ten list. Haven't seen The Last Stand though.
6: Haven't seen this one either.
5: I almost put this one in there.
4: Good movie, but a little boring at some parts, and it basically tried to be a Martin Scorsese movie. Which it wasn't, nope, The Wolf Of Wall Street would be above it.
3: Definitely not the top three movies, but its a good movie non the less.
2: Eh... Ron Howard has definitely done better, This is not one of this best movies.
1: How nice, you still think this mess of a movie is the best of 2013, when in reality it isn't.
This is gonna sound a little cocky of me, but it would appear that I might have a better taste. Sorry if that sounds offensive, but you can't blame me for thinking that seeing as how you put terrible movies like Kick Ass 2, and Olympus has fallen on your best list and good movies like Star Trek: Into Darkness on your worst. Frozen is neither good or bad so I don't care what you do with that one.
but you have some bad choices on the best. Oz the great and Powerful? A prequel that never should've happened, it has pretty bad acting, terrible CGI effects and a pretty awful backstory of OZ. Olympus has fallen? Basically a rip off of Die Hard, except it takes place at a white house. Bad plot, cliche ending, and cliche movie. MAN OF STEEL? Number 1? WOW, Gravity should be number one if you're not gonna put any other Oscar seasoned movies. Yeah, I'll show you a true best movies of 2013 list. And this has been updated to a Best and Worst of 2013, check out my best.
About 90% of the movies and the trailers that I see never reach my taste. Growing up, it takes a lot to get me impressed. I've always been a Disney fan and I've seen both Frozen and Saving Mr. Banks. Frozen was good for the characters and the songs, but the story seemed a little depressing. As for Saving Mr. Banks, that movie made it to the top of the list out of all the movies I've seen in the past year! I tell 'ya, as for the some of the studios I like they better not suck it up this year. If they do, I might just as well scream!
Saving Mr. Banks, if it did reach the top of your list of movies, then you probably don't know a lot about the real Walt Disney. That movie Saving Mr. Banks, though it was pretty good, and full of happiness, it's also bullshit. If there is one thing we've learned about the Walt Disney company, it's really full of shit, and trying to glorify itself, by telling a total lie.
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